


love, catra.

by unholybiscuit



Category: She-Ra and the Princesses of Power (2018)
Genre: Angst, F/F, Future, Happy Ending, Pining, Sad, Self-Hatred, catra is angsty, catradora canon, letter writing, like fr, slight suicide mention, theyre in love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-19
Updated: 2020-05-19
Packaged: 2021-03-02 21:28:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,346
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24263617
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/unholybiscuit/pseuds/unholybiscuit
Summary: catra writes a letter to adora, explaining everything from the horde to this very moment.not that she’ll ever send it.(season 5 spoilers!)lowercase intended
Relationships: Adora/Catra, Adora/Catra (She-Ra)
Comments: 4
Kudos: 112





	love, catra.

dear adora.  
i’ll never be able to tell you these things, so i wrote them down. please don’t ever read this.  
i’m sorry. i don’t even think the words are strong enough to show how sorry i actually am. i was selfish. i craved power, and praise from people.

i never had that in the horde. you know that. all the attention was focused on you, the star child. i felt like a burden. you were the only person in the world who made me feel wanted, adora. you were the only person i could trust in the whole world.  
and you left me. i didn’t get it at first. i thought it was just some sick joke that the world was playing on me. but it was real. you broke a promise. it took you 5 minutes of meeting someone else, and suddenly you weren’t my adora anymore. 18 whole years of friendship were gone. remember the time when we were six and you told me that you would never leave me? you promised me. that was my only hope of you coming back.

you didn’t come back. i wasn’t angry, i was just... confused. i thought i meant something to you. you were my world. but to you, i was nothing but a distant memory. 

i wanted to move on so badly. i started craving power, started pushing myself to the limits to move up. i wanted to beat you, and show you i was doing fine without you. but i couldn’t. you were always too strong as she-ra.

she-ra. god, i hated that name. i hated that damn sword that took you away from me more than ever. i tried to convince myself, “her new friends don’t know her. they know she-ra.” but ha, i was wrong. bow and glimmer can read you like a book. i used to be able to do that, but i can’t anymore. i don’t understand your feelings toward me. do you hate me now? am i nothing but your enemy? or is there still something inside you that reminds me of what we used to be, that little bit of remembrance from when i was your best friend? i don’t get you, adora. why do you have to be so damn confusing?

i tried to make new friends in the horde. scorpia. i was a terrible friend to her, adora. i made her feel worthless. i regret everything. scorpia genuinely cared for me, and all i did was push her away. i’m such an idiot. no wonder you left me.

you know, i was close to giving up on you. i wanted to die. you didn’t care about me anyways, so what did it matter? my only goal in life was to have a purpose. to be the most powerful horde leader the world has ever seen. but thanks to your stupid friend sparkles, all of that was gone. 

horde prime was here, and he wanted everyone to know that he was the most powerful and wouldn’t be stopped. i was scared. terrified, even. he made me feel vulnerable. he brought you up, one time. he said that i still had feelings for you. i refused to believe it. i was over you. you were my enemy. but that night, i couldn’t stop thinking about you.

i was lonely, on horde prime’s ship. he didn’t make me a prisoner, like he did with glimmer. i was free to roam wherever i wanted to. but i always went back to one place. glimmer’s cell. i want to say that i was bored. but in all honesty, i wanted her to talk to me about you. i didn’t know why, i just did. so we sat, talking about all the memories we had with you. that’s when i realise something; if i wanted to redeem myself, to do one good thing in my life, i would do it for you.

so i set glimmer free. hearing your voice on the communicator almost relaxed me. you were safe. i needed to get you as far away as possible from the ship, from horde prime, for me. and despite everything that happened, i don’t regret my actions. setting glimmer free was my one good deed. i wouldn’t say i redeemed myself, not in the slightest, i just hoped it would be enough to get you to remember the good in me.

being chipped was the worst feeling in my life. i was completely brainwashed, stuck in this ever evolving loop of serving horde prime. they cut my hair and styled it. i had to look like all the other clones. and i couldn’t remember anything. not you, not what i’d just did, nothing. everything was horde prime, and i served him. 

you don’t understand how mad i was when i regained that slight moment of consciousness. i saw your eyes stare into mine. i told you to stay away, and look at you, coming back for me. you’re an idiot. a stubborn, idiot. but i can’t say i wasn’t grateful. i don’t know what would’ve happened if i stayed there.

the next couple of weeks were... blissful. i was back with you, back with my world, back home. you didn’t leave my side. i had constant nightmares and you would always pull me close and reassure me that everything was fine. i felt safe in your arms, despite the events of princesses being chipped. i got you back. i was back with my adora.

it didn’t last long. your stupid, stubborn self thought that sacrifice would be the only way to save the world. i was heartbroken. i knew you didn’t want me. not like i wanted you. you were willing to throw away everything again, and i kept asking myself, “am i really that bad?”but of course i was. i spent almost 3 years fighting you and trying to take you down. why was i so naïve to think you would want me back after everything. i was so damn selfish.

i watched you in the heart. i watched you fall and crumble. horde prime was taking my adora away from me, and i couldn’t handle it. i couldn’t lose you, not again. not ever. so i reached out my hand and shouted, screamed, doing anything to try and get you back. you said it was the end. i knew it wasn’t- it couldn’t be, and that’s when i said it. 

“don’t you get it? i love you. i always have. so please, just this once... stay.”

and i meant it. i never stopped loving you, adora. i’ve loved you since the day we met. i had to let it out before you— you know. i noticed the way your eyes lit up when i said it. you grabbed my hand and your lifeless body regained something. you stared at me.

“you love me?

you’re such an idiot.

“i love you too.”

i was breathless. i couldn’t believe the words that escaped your mouth- you loved me. catra, the one who left half the scars on your body. the one who you left behind. i couldn’t help but grin, and kiss you. i didn’t know if this would be our last— but it was the first of many. i closed my eyes and when i re-opened them, you were she-ra. it was beautiful. 

we saved the world. we saved etheria. i couldn’t believe it. we made our almost wrecked planet whole again. not you, not me— us. together. i’ve never felt so lucky in my life. i placed my forehead against yours.

“he’s gone.”  
“good riddance.”

i wanted to kiss you again, to live in the moment— but we were interrupted. not that i minded. you were close to me, and holding my hand tightly. and we laughed loudly, knowing we were free. no wars, no horde. 

just us. 

i’ve never felt so happy in my life. you’re my world, adora. and i love you. i can’t wait to spend the rest of my life with you.

love, catra.

**Author's Note:**

> hello :) i wrote this at 3am so sorry if its terrible


End file.
